you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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