i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize