I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
