I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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