Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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