Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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