I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My dick has a subreddit
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
