giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
