Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
