Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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