Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
