i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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