pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
