I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
