yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
