it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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