in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wear drunk well.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
