so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You are a genius and a whore.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
