Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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