final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Dear god my vagina.
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