I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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