Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
