put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
