I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
