i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
