when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize