I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize