Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
