Christians are straight up FREAKS
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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