We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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