this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
