well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
