Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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