wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
