i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
