grandma shit on top of the toilet
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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