doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
