I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
