im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
