You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
