We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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