I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize