The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
