I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
