Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
