In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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