I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
