literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
