I cannot find my penis.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
