I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
