And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
