i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
