ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
