Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
