I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
