i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
