I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
