New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You can't special order awesome
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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