would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
